


Lost and Found

by bittersnake



Category: Chronicles of Narnia - All Media Types, Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis
Genre: Gen, Susan Pevensie Never Forgot, introspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-15 09:10:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13610157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bittersnake/pseuds/bittersnake
Summary: Susan remembers the sea.





	Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

> (AH I FORGOT TO UPDATE AND NOW IT IS)  
> This was a new experience writing for this fandom and hopefully it's enjoyable-ish?

Susan remembers the sea. It an curious thing to remember over these seventy some odd years but that remains a constant in her mind. She’s gone across the globe, bathed in the Dead Sea and yet the brine of the ocean tastes like ashes on her tongue.

Most days, she wakes up and goes about her daily routine; a quick brisk shower, brushes her now snow-white hair with 100 strokes for smoothness ( _she remembers that trick from Aravis_ — _Calormene Tarkheena always had hair as glossy as silk_ )fixes herself a small breakfast of tea and toast (with extra marmalade, Susan doesn’t care terribly much about what the new-fangled doctors say about “excess sugar” being bad for you, she’s over thrice their age and there’s nothing so satisfying as biting into a piece of toast slathered with butter and jams), feeds Edmund because he’s pawing at her skirts at this point, does the breakfast dishes, goes to collect the post, and then goes about her day at the University.

Those are good days.

They’re getting far and few between.

Other days, she feels…lost. 

Adrift. 

She’s felt like this her entire life.

It happened the first time they— came back. 

_you can’t lie to yourself Susan. Not now, not after so very long._

She was queen and then suddenly, she was no one. 

Crown and Kingdom ripped from her, leaving her trapped again in the body of a powerless, voiceless girl-child.

They went back a year later and then _he_ cursed her with the cruelest of fates. 

The first night back, her pillow was soaked through. 

She sat and stared into space. 

Wishing, it wasn’t true

Hoping, it was test.

Waiting for _him_ to let her back.

_this isn’t my home_

_this isn’t my kingdom_

_this isn’t my heart_

After a year, she wrapped her heart in ice.

 _oh, Lu what dreams we all had back then._

After seven, her heart was ripped out again.

Crushed beneath a beast of smoke and iron.

She made her own kingdom then.

It mattered not that her lips were stained crimson and eyes lined with kohl. She was—is— always will be a queen. She would rule and rule well. She need only choose her court.

Twilight is coming.

Susan sits in chair by the stream flowing behind her cottage. 

She remembers the day she found it. It was a bit out of character from her preference for the polished and pristine— anything to keep her from longing for her long buried self— but when she walked in, all she could think of was “Lu would have loved this” and it was a queer feeling. 

There was pain but also light.

She bought it.

Soon afterwards, stray came sulking by. Silent; not wary but watchful.

She called him Edmund, one day.

He purred and then promptly lies upon the steps until she rubbed his belly. He hadn’t left since.

She’s had… life. 

A good life.

A life that is hers.

She’s tired.

So very tired.

And the stream sings so sweetly.

Susan sleeps.

=============

Obituary:

Dame Susan Pevensie, world renowned photo-journalist and activist passed away at age 89. She leaves behind a devoted fanbase and students across the globe.

 

=============

Susan wakes by the bank of a riverbed.

She’s wearing robe of the softest red silk.

Her hair is rich and black.

She pools water into her hands and drinks.

It’s sweet.


End file.
